Love this post, Lora! Thank you for writing it! Hope for connection and understanding with family is a good journey you are on. I'm on the journey not only with family but also with friends, it's a struggle of my own that I advance then retreat for mindlessness movies! :)))
I appreciate you sharing in such an articulate way a path forward for relationships we want to keep.
Thank you Lora, for this beautiful and honest account of something in the political and private world that is at the core of our challenge: How do we interact with loved ones when we see things (the "same" things??) so differently. And how do we avoid, when confronted brutally with those differences, to start othering the persons behind them – me versus my disagreeing loved ones. You have a very important point here, Lora.
This dilemma you described in your article is part of a much larger context that spans the whole globe. I have no standard answer to offer, but I have ideas that I can share. They have been helpful for me, but they skirt the shores of metaphysics. And quantum theory. There is very little in terms of Consensus Reality to hang on to. We think that we, all of us, live in the SAME reality. We don't. We seemingly share a world. But there are approaches that say that we live in a world that is a projection of our own consciousness. Each and everyone "creates" and experiences their own version of the world.
The murder of Good seems to me an example of how different values, worldviews and beliefs creates a totally different interpretation and account of "what happened. But as long as we believe in Objective Reality, we won't realize what is going on. I have a very close friend who has a totally different perception of Trump and what is happening in USA. So I concluded: "Okay it seems like you and I live in completely different realities". Friendship saved.
I am not inclined to argue much, I prefer to go for "let's agree to disagree". Many people who disagree with us have reasons that appear just as reasonable to them as mine are to me.
I am well aware that my stance is very difficult to use in practical political life. I know, Lora that this is a minefield. One of my wise spiritual teachers expressed it like this: "Every perspective is true from its own point of view."
I see this as a starting point for a discussion, not a conclusion or a resolution. But it improves listening, preserves communication. People will never listen if they think you are out to "get them" and prove them wrong. We can get stuck in differences, and forget that humans share a common ground – our humanity and our planet. With love, Maria.
Anger is a defense mechanism, pumping adrenalin to the parts of our body that need to be ready for battle. I once told what was meant to be a joke to a companion and wound up in the hospital for two days because he misread it!
When a leader fuels that instinct with lies about the evil intent of some "other," our rational minds begin to shut down: soon, we hear everything as a threat -- or at least a challenge -- and the other reacts the same way. Conflict blossoms and reason is lost. In such situations, it would be easy to read Renee Good's "I'm not mad at you" as a challenge, not reassurance. In such situations, even turning away can be be read as a threat. And as violence begets violence, there is ever more need for force, be it only a raising of the voice or an interruption of the other's words. We lose the ability to suss out the actual misunderstanding. Volume replaces Reason.
I have been at pains to distinguish among "Judaism," "Israel," and "the Netanyahu administration;" between "Palestinians" and "Hamas," but many people don't seem to notice that (not least since Mr. Netanyahu often deliberately confuses or ignores the distinctions).
Fear seems increasingly to have taken hold of the national consciousness. I believe Mr. Trump and his cohort know this and are exploiting it. (Remember Bush's immediate declaration after the carnage of 9/11 that it was not about Islam?) But how to answer with love? How to restore common decency?
I hope your post is also widely read Lora. Terrific topic, wonderful dissection. Our job as writers is to increase understanding, not judgment. On my door is a FNLC decal “ Love they neighbor- NO exceptions”.
Thank you, Carol, for sharing this article. I hope everyone will read it.
https://thefreethoughtproject.com/be-the-change/the-road-to-hell-is-paved-with-good-guys-why-your-neighbor-hates-you-and-why-you-should-love-them-anyway
I agree, but it's very, VERY hard to keep this in mind when Renee Good was murdered two blocks from our house.
Spot on reflections of human nature; the good, the bad and the indifferent. Get better soon.
Love this post, Lora! Thank you for writing it! Hope for connection and understanding with family is a good journey you are on. I'm on the journey not only with family but also with friends, it's a struggle of my own that I advance then retreat for mindlessness movies! :)))
I appreciate you sharing in such an articulate way a path forward for relationships we want to keep.
Thank you Lora, for this beautiful and honest account of something in the political and private world that is at the core of our challenge: How do we interact with loved ones when we see things (the "same" things??) so differently. And how do we avoid, when confronted brutally with those differences, to start othering the persons behind them – me versus my disagreeing loved ones. You have a very important point here, Lora.
This dilemma you described in your article is part of a much larger context that spans the whole globe. I have no standard answer to offer, but I have ideas that I can share. They have been helpful for me, but they skirt the shores of metaphysics. And quantum theory. There is very little in terms of Consensus Reality to hang on to. We think that we, all of us, live in the SAME reality. We don't. We seemingly share a world. But there are approaches that say that we live in a world that is a projection of our own consciousness. Each and everyone "creates" and experiences their own version of the world.
The murder of Good seems to me an example of how different values, worldviews and beliefs creates a totally different interpretation and account of "what happened. But as long as we believe in Objective Reality, we won't realize what is going on. I have a very close friend who has a totally different perception of Trump and what is happening in USA. So I concluded: "Okay it seems like you and I live in completely different realities". Friendship saved.
I am not inclined to argue much, I prefer to go for "let's agree to disagree". Many people who disagree with us have reasons that appear just as reasonable to them as mine are to me.
I am well aware that my stance is very difficult to use in practical political life. I know, Lora that this is a minefield. One of my wise spiritual teachers expressed it like this: "Every perspective is true from its own point of view."
I see this as a starting point for a discussion, not a conclusion or a resolution. But it improves listening, preserves communication. People will never listen if they think you are out to "get them" and prove them wrong. We can get stuck in differences, and forget that humans share a common ground – our humanity and our planet. With love, Maria.
Anger is a defense mechanism, pumping adrenalin to the parts of our body that need to be ready for battle. I once told what was meant to be a joke to a companion and wound up in the hospital for two days because he misread it!
When a leader fuels that instinct with lies about the evil intent of some "other," our rational minds begin to shut down: soon, we hear everything as a threat -- or at least a challenge -- and the other reacts the same way. Conflict blossoms and reason is lost. In such situations, it would be easy to read Renee Good's "I'm not mad at you" as a challenge, not reassurance. In such situations, even turning away can be be read as a threat. And as violence begets violence, there is ever more need for force, be it only a raising of the voice or an interruption of the other's words. We lose the ability to suss out the actual misunderstanding. Volume replaces Reason.
I have been at pains to distinguish among "Judaism," "Israel," and "the Netanyahu administration;" between "Palestinians" and "Hamas," but many people don't seem to notice that (not least since Mr. Netanyahu often deliberately confuses or ignores the distinctions).
Fear seems increasingly to have taken hold of the national consciousness. I believe Mr. Trump and his cohort know this and are exploiting it. (Remember Bush's immediate declaration after the carnage of 9/11 that it was not about Islam?) But how to answer with love? How to restore common decency?
I hope your post is also widely read Lora. Terrific topic, wonderful dissection. Our job as writers is to increase understanding, not judgment. On my door is a FNLC decal “ Love they neighbor- NO exceptions”.