Communication

My first personal challenge in the 2026 New Year

Friends and family may think my first challenge in 2026 was the big stumble I took on Dec. 26 in Washington, DC which upended my travel plans out of the country in January. The five stitches in my forehead and the broken kneecap (patella) were certainly a painful surprise, but the experience also confirmed for me the generosity and kindness of strangers, EMT folks, the docs and nurses in the ER, and even the Uber driver who took me back home. Now, I’m resting and recuperating with family while wearing a leg brace and soaking up the love. No, the stumble was not a challenge but a gift in a strange sort of way.

The patella is the kneecap

Keeping an open mind and building trust for meaningful communication - my first challenge of 2026.

I’ve been pondering three examples which have stymied me from making deep connections with the ones I love. The first, a disagreement over Israel-Palestine and the ensuing genocide over the past 2+ years. The second, a deep-seated anger which boils up and damages trust and a loving connection. The third, an honest but puzzling difference of opinion about the killing of Renee Nicole Good in Minneapolis. All three are challenges requiring me to step back and think.

Some may ask: “Why bother?” The obvious answer is because I love them.

The family is a microcosm of the larger world around me. Of course, Americans have always divided into tribal allegiances, but it seems these divisions (MAGA, Christian Evangelicals, Progressives, urban-rural and more) are splintering our country apart and also our communities and neighborhoods as never before and in very dangerous ways. I don’t want that to happen to my family.

Slap a label on and forget them.

The automatic and default response in our country today is generally callous and destructive. Slap a label on the “other” and dismiss them. “Oh, they’re just crazy MAGA folks in a delusional cult. No need to engage.”

“She’s just a Leftie Progressive Libtard who wants to design the world according to her delusional thinking.”

No one is immune from this — we each engage in dismissive labeling. Easy to witness others doing it but, if I’m honest, I also see myself doing it with family, friends and community. Why is the act of labeling the “other” so destructive and why is it so difficult to see?

• Labeling artificially puts the “other” into a box filled with my own preconceived expectations and removes their complexity and genuine experiences which don’t fit my preconceived notions.

• Labeling is not only disrespectful of the “other” but greatly handicaps my ability to fully understand and engage. Why put blinders on if I genuinely want to understand?

• The subconscious act of labeling reflects poorly on me. Rather than holding the “other” in all his or her complexity — even when I vehemently disagree with him or her — maybe I’m feeling challenged or threatened.

• Labeling and dismissing the “other” stunts my own growth, maturity and appreciation for the fullness of life. It’s far easier to label the “other” than to show some humility and really listen.

• I suspect it’s very difficult to acknowledge the labeling we each do because our brains are hard-wired to create tribal allegiances. Just so you know — my self-defined tribe is a progressive, open-minded, urban, college-educated intellectual. That’s how I see myself and it’s my default worldview. When I label you, I’m doing it from that frame of reference.

Own my role and responsibility.

I know that labeling the “other” is the simple way out of a challenging situation because it conveniently gets me off the hook.

“It’s his personal defect, it’s her blind groupthink, it’s their uneducated upbringing that prevents any meaningful communication or connection.”

• The truth is that I’m half of the equation in any relationship and dialogue, but I’m not the “fixer.” I need to own my role and responsibility but not exaggerate my ability to fix or mend anything.

• The present is informed by the past, but we must live in the present. Family dynamics are steeped in a history mixed with the good, bad and ugly that every family experiences. Life-at-large is also shaped by a multitude of experiences. I’m trying to acknowledge this reality while not being tied to the past.

• Honesty is not a weakness. “I don’t understand you.” “I disagree with you.”

  “I’m not mad at you.”— Renee Goodman said to the ICE Agent before he shot and killed her. Perhaps, exposing our vulnerable side is especially difficult for men (I’m pondering that) and some may think it’s a sign of naivety. I believe our future requires honesty and I’m not going to let others diminish my ability to be genuine and share myself with them and the world.

In each of the three examples mentioned above, I’m struggling to understand the “other”, to explain myself and my thoughts, and to remain open-minded. One part of the family wishes to drop any connection with me because of my very strong views about Israel and its genocidal campaign in Gaza over the past 2+ years. Despite my hurt feelings, I’ve kept my door open to them, and I reach out on a regular basis to talk about topics they feel comfortable talking about.

Another family member will engage with me but doesn’t want to connect in a family reunion. My feelings are hurt. I’m struggling to understand and remain open-minded.

The third family member has seen many of the same videos that we’ve all seen of the ICE agent killing Renee Goode in Minneapolis last week. There’s no dispute about who pulled the trigger, but we disagree on whether this act was justified. “Awful but lawful.” My feelings are hurt when my opinion as an attorney are dismissed outright. But I’m keeping an open mind and asking for any evidence that supports an opinion contrary to my own.

Meanwhile, this article popped up in my social media feed and makes me ponder. Renee Good’s killing reveals why fact-based journalism loses the narrative battle I highly recommend it.

“In the aftermath of the killing of Renee Good, the lines hardened almost instantly. Two camps emerged, each fully convinced the available footage proved its case.

One side saw a clear vehicular attack that justified lethal force. The other saw an unjustified killing followed by an official lie. Each accused the other of gaslighting. Each insisted the facts were obvious.

When narrative velocity replaces evidentiary patience, even video stops being a path to shared understanding. It becomes fuel for a fight that was framed long before the facts arrived.”

All that being said, my love for dogs comforts me because they are so easy to communicate with —- no challenge at all. Happy New Year everyone!

Titan gives me his paw and lots of loving after I stumbled outside his home.